So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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