he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
