I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
