Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
