I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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