SEEEEXXX PLEASE
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
