I just saw a hot homeless man
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
