I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
