By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
