oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
