yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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