the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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