mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
