turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
