don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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