No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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