Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
