If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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