So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
