She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
