finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
