I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
