just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
