He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
