I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
