k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
