So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
