Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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