Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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