What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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