apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
