so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I need to calm my uterus...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
