Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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