I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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