good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
