so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
