Screwed.edu
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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