What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
