Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
