You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
