Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
