she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
