I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Sponge bath it is.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
