dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
