Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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