evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
