How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
