I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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