"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
