no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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