I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
