Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
