I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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