I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
