so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
